In this blog, I would like to talk about coping skills when a relationship ends due to your partner meeting another person. I want to talk about this subject because the path and mission to fulfillment involves making progress in all aspects of our lives including our relationships. A big part of having a rich and fulfilled relationship is learning
how to accept the end of one.
There are those people who end up meeting and marrying their high school sweetheart, that is only 2% of the population who fall under this category. The remaining 98% will go through a break up and deal with heartache at least once in their life. Also, there could potentially be a time when a breakup happens because one half of the couple
meets someone else. No question this can be a traumatic experience and can take a significant period of time in which to heal. Yet, this can also be a great opportunity for growth and development as we strive to work through feelings of loss, betrayal, anger, and even bitterness. When we learn to handle these emotions in a healthy way, we
are better prepared to accept a new relationship when it comes our way.
In addition, one will go into the next relationship and other areas of their lives much stronger and more fulfilled by overcoming this experience. Is it possible to take your life to the next level after a break up? Yes, it definitely is. Is it possible to take your career, finances, health, emotions, relationships, and connection to your creator to new
level? Absolutely. So here is how we can cope with losing a loved one, even when you get dumped for another girl or guy.
1. Analyze the relationship and what remember the things that made that relationship great. What memories of sacrifice, love, service, and kindness did you share with one another? How can you bring those positive memories to the next relationship? What problems within the relationship may have contributed to its dissolution? How can you improve upon those problems as you pursue a fulfilling relationship with another
person? One thing I want to be clear on: if you were left for another person because they had a larger bank account, looked a certain way, or any other shallow, self-serving reasons, then my suggestion is to recognize the one who left you has much to work through on a personal level. You deserve better. Get over it. #$#%% them. They don’t deserve you, period. Your ex-partner was nothing but a shallow and insecure person who looked to outside sources to fulfill them. Someone like that will go from relationship to relationship and be unhappy and restless for the rest of their lives, unless they make some major changes from within. You deserve better, much better. Usually that is not the case. Your ex-partner and you really had something special at one time and both of you are extremely caring and giving people. Unfortunately, both of you just don’t belong to each other anymore. Maybe you don’t know that yet. However, in time that person gave you a gift, the gift of themselves, and it is now time to move forward. Has there been a time in the past where something awful or even devastating happened maybe five years ago? Where are you now because of that circumstance? Thus, it is good to look at ourselves and see who we were in the relationship. If you are a masculine man who was with a feminine woman, were you consistently present at all times in the relationship? Did you pay attention and listen to her all the time? Did you make her feel safe? If you are a feminine woman with a masculine man, did you undercut him? Did you mother him? If the answer is “yes” to any of these, they are relationship killers. Let me point out that not all women are feminine at their core and not all men are masculine at their core. I plan to write a separate blog later on masculine and feminine energies. Yet know this, you need a masculine energy and a feminine energy to create that passion even in
same sex relationships.
2. Spend quality time by yourself. Let’s be very aware here, not all alone time is created equal. Quality time is an important distinction. What do I mean by that? Get out a journal and start writing. Write down your thoughts both good and bad. More importantly, write about what you are grateful for in this moment, what you’ll have to be grateful for in the future, and even what you had to be grateful for in that relationship. Don’t get me wrong. It’s okay to be sad and mourn. The grieving period will be a necessary part of healing, but we need to be conscious of how long we live there in that period of mourning. We can’t get stuck. If we do that, then we build a habit and an addiction. Other quality time is to do something you love to do that maybe you didn’t have much of an opportunity to do during your relationship. Play tennis, play golf, go to a movie, or go to a trade show.
3. Be real with friends and family. Yes, we will need friends and family, good shoulders to cry on, but we need to see the break up as it is, not worse than it is. Yes, this is a heartbreaking time and also a time to reevaluate. However, we need to make sure we do not overindulge in the process and create unnecessary drama. Be honest with your loved ones on what is good and not good about this. Do not hide your feelings, but make sure you don’t allow those feelings to get off track. We see the break up as it is, we need to see it better than it is. When a relationship ends, both parties need to leave it better than it was in the beginning. We need to realize all the great opportunities that are ahead of us, whether it is making new connections or even new distinctions in our lives. Then we make our lives better than it was before. I know many ask if it is okay to remain friends with an ex. That all depends upon the individual and how emotional the relationship
was. One thing for sure, take the time you need to spend by yourself and reevaluate as mentioned above and with friends for an indefinite period of time after the break up. Both parties need that time to rebuild their lives.
4. Be giving, caring, loving, and compassionate. Tony Robbins says, “The secret to living is giving”. One of the biggest cures when we have the blues is to reach out to others. We live in a world with plenty of people less fortunate than we are. No matter how bad things are, there is someone out there who has it even worse. Maybe acts of service will help some recharge their own spiritual batteries. Reach out and volunteer in a community. One can visit a resting home or nursing home and meet a new friend. Always focus on the well-being of others including people we have not met. When we are loving and kind, sadness and anger dissipate.
5. Focus on gratitude. Just like I mentioned about being loving, being grateful in the moment is very powerful. We cannot be angry and grateful simultaneously. We cannot be depressed and grateful at the same time. Take time each day to focus on what you are grateful for. Write it down in a journal. Be grateful for the little things like a rain drop or an eyelash as well as the big things like your health and friends.
6. Lastly, hold yourself to a higher standard. I know. Why is this here? Aren’t we supposed to deal with coping? Yes. The best way to get over a break up is by consistently improving ourselves in order to progress to the next level of mastery. Feeling sad is normal, but we can’t wallow in self-pity. We’ll lose an important connection within ourselves and our ability to connect with others. Declare to yourself that you will not
tolerate self-pity. The higher standard is to just love ourselves more unconditionally. Accept your own mistakes and forgive yourself. Take care of your health in fitness. If you don’t exercise, start exercising. If you do work out, take it to the next level. Constantly making progress increases self-esteem and gains momentum. Break-ups are painful. Break-ups that involve a breach in trust. It can make you feel insignificant at the moment. Yet, we can only live there for a very short time. The reason being is that when one feels insignificant, they will look for ways to feel significant through destructive behavior such as revenge and lashing out to others. That only creates regret. We need to know we are incredible no matter what anyone else says or does to us. Let me know your thoughts about this blog. Feel free to let me know what works for you in dealing with a situation like this.
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